February 3, 2010

Perhaps my spelling ain't TOP NOTCH but that doesn't mean my BRIAN is small.

OH NO MY FRIENDS, Quiet the opposite.

I just don't have enough space or time in there to get bogged down with fancy WORDS and grammatical whimsy.
MY mind is chock full of IDEAS and SUCCESSFUL THINKING and it's working over time FOR YOU!!
So if you're looking for BIG HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE WORD and HIGH MINDED GOB-BILLY GOOP, you've come to the wrong man.

BUT if your looking for some solid straight forward no-nonsense tools and techniques,
Based on a lifetime of mistakes and false starts... BROTHERS AND SISTERS, YOU'VE FOUND IT!
I have a MASTERS, IN THE ,"ART OF WHAT NOT TO DO" and A DECREE, IN THE "PAIN OF FAILURE AND REMORSE" From a little school you might of heard of called... THE UNIVERSAL, UNIVERSITY OF LIFE!!
I CAN SHOW YOU WHAT NOT TO DO AND ALSO TELL YOU NOT TO DO IT.
MY BAD IS YOUR GOOD!!
IT'S A ..LOSE ,WIN, WIN!!

MY BRIAN (or brain, as those ivy league collage folks call it)
I just happened to name MY BRAIN, BRIAN ...AND THAT'S CALLED FREEDOM.
I DO NOT CALL MY BRAIN, BRIAN FREEDOM, I AM just saying i am free, to name my brain whatever i choose..
NOW IF THIS IS GETTING CONFUSING FOR YOU..WITH THE SPELLING AND THE NAMING
AND THE STUFF AND THE JUNK... CONGRAGALATIONS !
MY PROGRAM IS ALREADY WORKING FOR YOU!

THIS WHOLE BRAIN NAME GAME IS PROBABLY SOMETHING YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO.
SO CROSS THAT OFF YOUR LIST OF THINGS TO DO AND WELCOME TO MY PROGRAM!

THE MORE I GO BACKWARDS, THE MORE YOU MOVE FORWARD!
YEA FOR YOU AND YEA FOR ME TOO!!!

MY NAME IS CLAM ........HELLO,and GOODBYE and HELLO again.

Posted by clamlynch at 10:32 PM

February 1, 2010

NEWS FLASH.... GOOD THOUGHTS LEAD TO GOOD FEELING and GOOD FEELINGS bring GOOD THINGS !

AND thank goodness i've realized this and can now bring THE GOOD NEWS TO YOU.

Why, just today i was wondering, " Why do i FEEL so G.D. BAD?"

and then it hit me ... 'CAUSE I'M THINKING BAD THOUGHTS!
BAD ME, BAD THEM, BAD THIS, BAD THAT, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD,
and don't get me started with the FEELING BAD about FEELING BAD feeling.

I wanted to feel GOOD but i felt BAD
BUT HOW to CHANGE?

WELL MY DEAR FRIENDS,
HERE'S WHAT I DID (and feel free to try this yourself):

I started SLOW, Like this:

GOOD ME, BAD THEM, GOOD THIS, BAD THAT, GOOD, BAD, GOOD, BAD.

I THEN added some more GOODS, Like about 3 quarters good, 1 quarter bad.

I then added one small SMILE, two and a half GIGGLES, one quick JOYFUL NONSENSICAL OUTBURST, and an OLD LADY HUG.

NEXT it was five anonymous "I LOVE YOU" calls and an ICE CREAM and a 3 HOUR NAP. I then Followed that with a handful of conversations with an INVISIBLE PRESENCE.

Next i made a LIST OF FEARS or "BLOCKS" ( 27 pages ).

Then 23 minutes of CRYING.
Quickly followed by 12 minutes of uncontrollable laughter.

Than am OUTDOOR BURNING CEREMONY of said FEAR LIST.

Followed by a "pleading" conversation with a POLICE WOMAN and HER DOG.

Than i just gave up.
I TOOK MY BACKPACK OF PROBLEMS OFF AND JUST SAT ON THE CURB.
AND GUESS WHAT?
NO, GUESS AGAIN.
YES!
MY YOKE WAS LIGHT.
I FELT FREE-ISH.

I then saw a picture of a bird dressed as a cowboy and i took that as a sign THE WORST was over.

AND IT WAS.
AND IT WAS ALL GOOD AGAIN.

And folks all this HARD work i am going through is to be the best i can be so i can HELP YOU.
And ITS A PLEASURE .

I AM , is fighting ME for YOU.
AND LETS HOPE "I AM" WINS , FOR ALL OUR SAKES.
BECAUSE IF I RISE ,WE ALL RISE AND HOORAY FOR THAT!!

RISE AND SHINE !!!
KOO KOO BIRDS.

SHINE ON,
CLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 10:36 PM

January 5, 2010

TRY MY NEW "MAGNET MIND" TECHNIQUE.

SAY:

IT IS GOING TO WORK.
IT IS GOING TO WORK.
IT IS GOING TO WORK.

Now that you're TOTALLY CONVINCED IT IS GOING TO WORK,
LETS MOVE TO THE NEXT STAGE.

And that's called the:
WHAT'S GOING TO WORK? STAGE.

You're going to start practicing my MAGNET MIND style of thinking.

here's an example:

TODAY IS A BAD DAY .

Now How does that make you feel?

BAD, right? THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE USING THE WORD BAD and JUST LIKE A MAGNET, IT'S PULLING
ALL THINGS BAD TO IT!

NOW TRY THIS:

TODAY IS A GOOD DAY!

FEELS GOOD, RIGHT? IT'S THE WORD GOOD that's PULLING all the GOOD THINGS to it,
with MAGNET POWER!

MAGNETIZE YOUR MIND!
AND IT WILL PULL TO YOU WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING!

PLEASE DON'T SAY "THAT'S CRAZY" or "THIS WON'T WORK!"
'CAUSE NOW THAT YOU'RE USING MAGNET MIND POWER,
YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY GO CRAZY or NOTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR YOU.
BECAUSE THE MAGNET WILL PULL IN THE WORD "CRAZY" or "WON'T WORK"
AND DRAW THINGS TO THEM.

SAY GOOD WORDS LIKE:
JOYFUL.
SUCCESSFUL.
PEACE.
MONEY.
GIRLFRIEND/SEX.
ALL BILLS PAID.
NO JAIL TIME.
DELICIOUS FOOD.
RELAXING NAP.
ALL NEEDS MET.
THIS IS FUN.
A FIRM AND HEALTHY BODY.
SOMEONE ELSE'S FIRM AND HEALTHY BODY.
GOOD MENTAL HEALTH.

AND LIKE MAGIC, THESE THINGS WILL BE PULLED TO YOU.

So what if none of these things are actually in your life NOW?
COME ON!
THINK!
THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SAYING THEM!
THE MAGNET MIND HAS NOTHING TO WORK WITH BUT CRAP!

AND CRAP ATTRACTS CRAP, and flies and disease and a bad smell and on and on.
LIKE A WHAT?

RIGHT! LIKE A MAGNET!

STOP ATTRACTING WHAT YOU DON'T WANT!
THE MAGNET MIND WORKS FOR GOOD OR BAD.
ITS UP TO YOU.

USE THE MAGNET FOR GOOD!

http://www.clamlynch.com

Posted by clamlynch at 8:58 AM

January 2, 2010

I WOULD MAKE A GOOD KING. i'm not saying I WANT TO BE KING—i'm just saying IF I WAS.

IMAGINE there was a king. And let's say he was mean and greedy to poor people, and then the poor people got mad and did something bad to the king like broke a window or something.

THEN all the smarter people around the king said "HEY, WHY ARE THOSE POOR PEOPLE SO MAD?"

SO the smart people said let's find out what's wrong, and why them poor folk hate us so much, and try to FIX IT, and help them.

But the king and his mean sidekicks said "screw that, let's kill them and take all their shit!"

NOW THIS WOULD NEVER REALLY HAPPEN .

BUT IT'S A STORY ABOUT WHY IT'S IMPORTANT TO NOT BE MEAN OR ANGRY.

BEING MEAN OR ANGRY WILL MAKE YOU UNSUCCESSFUL.

BE NICE AND LIFE WILL BE NICE RIGHT BACK AT YA!

I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE POOR AND ANGRY.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO BREAK MY WINDOW .

I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY AND RICH AND BRING ME CANDY.
I WILL NOT BE A MEAN KING.

I WILL BE AN UNDERSTANDING, PEACE-LOVING, HELPFUL KING-ISH TYPE OF RULER.

A BETTER KINGDOM IS AT HAND, LET'S GET CRACKING!

Posted by clamlynch at 10:37 PM

ATTENTION BRAIN: YOU are NOT BEING CHASED BY A DINOSAUR!

THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE.

YOU MIGHT FEEL LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SURVIVE A DINOSAUR ATTACK WHEN THINGS GET STRESSFUL.

FOLKS, IT'S JUST NOT TRUE.

IT'S JUST LEFT OVER CAVEMAN STINKIN' THINKIN'.

AND HEY, NEWS FLASH—DINOSAURS HAVE BEEN EXTINCT FOR A COUPLE HUNDRED YEARS!

STOP WORRYING SO MUCH ABOUT DINOSAUR ATTACKS.

LET GO OF THAT OLD THINKING, AND YOUR FIGHT-OR-FLIGHT DINOSAUR ATTACK'N ATTITUDE!

YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT THAT BIG ('CAUSE DINOSAURS ARE TOTALLY BIG!)

IT'S ALL IN YOUR MIND.
IN THE DEEP DARK CAVE PART OF YOUR MIND.

OH MY GOD!!! LOOK OUT, THERE'S A DINOSAUR BEHIND YOU!!

JUST KIDDING.

PUT DOWN THAT POINTY STICK and PICK UP YOUR STRESS/DINOSAUR-FREE NEW LIFE.

DON'T CAVE-IN.
LOVE,CLAMASAURS

Posted by clamlynch at 10:34 PM

November 22, 2009

SLEEP YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS!

While your waiting on your NEW "INNER-LIFE" to START MANIFESTING on the OUTSIDE,
You might find yourself ALL WRAPPED UP IN WHAT SEEMS TO BE, ( ON THE OUTSIDE)
BIG PROBLEMS....Work,Kids,Bills,Home,Food,pooping,buying stuff,HAVING SEX (WITH YOURSELF or OTHERS) finding some NEW SLACKS or maybe just finding a place to sleep and get some hot soup or PIE.

AND your small self might say:
"WE NEED TO SET SOME GOALS AND GET GOING!!"

SETTING GOALS AND SHOWING UP is fine and dandy.

BUT what you REALLY need is, MOTIVATION and a "GO FOR IT" ATTITUDE!

BUT HOW?

WELL MY DEAR FRIENDS,I AM about to let you in on a little secret,something to get you through this, REBIRTHING PERIOD.

IF YOU'RE FEELING UNINSPIRED, STUCK, or HOPELESS, JUST GIVE UP.

THATS RIGHT! You heard me, JUST GIVE UP!

IF it's the middle of the day, if you're at work, even if you have an important meeting to go to.
JUST STOP.
Take your clothes off and go to sleep.

Thats IT!

AND here's how it works.

BY AVOIDING/NOT SHOWING UP AND GOING TO SLEEP INSTEAD, you are creating ENERGY.
ON awakening you will be TOTALLY OVERWHELMED WITH REMORSE AND GUILT AND THAT'S SOME STRONG ENERGY.

Then BEFORE that ENERGY gets TOO BIG TO STOP, YOU MUST QUICKLY TURN IT AROUND—BY OVERREACTING and MAKING UP FOR LOST TIME!

And BAM!!!
The PASSION is back! and it has some KICK NOW! 'cause it's fueled by FEAR and ABSTRACT PANIC!

This can be a very CREATIVE TIME.

YOU WILL GET A LOT MORE DONE, 'CAUSE now you're ALL FIRED UP with regret, and ready for ACTION!

SOME OF MY BEST WORK HAS BEEN DONE FOLLOWING A SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE, INAPPROPRIATE NAP!

PUT SOME EXCITEMENT BACK INTO YOUR LIFE.

GO TO SLEEP.

SLEEP YOUR WAY TO THE TOP!!
GOOD DAY and GOOD NIGHT!
I LOVE.
cLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:45 PM

November 15, 2009

I AM BECOMING MORE MAN(ish).

Folks, it's TRUE.

I AM definitely trying to, EMBRACE MY MANHOOD, in everything I do.

NOW when I cry, I cry, MANLY TEARS.

I ALSO DANCE A MORE, MANLY DANCE.

I AM ALSO SINGING IN A MORE ,MANLY MANNER.

I ACTUALLY JUST FINISHED SING'N "I WILL SURVIVE"
(In a deep manly voice with clenched fists with an almost, VIKING like demeanor).

WHY AM I DOING THIS? YOU MIGHT ASK.

BECAUSE :

1. I AM A MAN.

and

B. I HAVE NOT GIVEN MY MANLY-MAN SIDE ANY "QUALITY TIME"
IN A LONG TIME.

(Which I think has made me confused and prone to
infantile breakdowns,uncontrollable crying jags, and hissy fits.)

AM I GOING TO START CARRYING AROUND A CLUB?
AM I GOING TO DRESS LIKE FRED FLINTSTONE?
AM I GOING TO DRAG SOME DYNAMITE LADY BACK TO MY CAVE BY THE HAIR?
AM I GOING TO GO OUT AND KILL A GIANT FLYING DINOSAUR WITH MY BARE HANDS?

I DON'T THINK SO.

BUT I AM GOING TO TOUCH MY MANHOOD MORE .

I AM ALSO PLANNING A TRIP TO THE DESERT WHERE I WILL:

PUNCH THINGS!
AND YELL WORDS!
AND SCREAM AT SOME CACTUS!
AND POUND MY CHEST!
AND PEE ON STUFF!

THAT SHOULD PROBABLY SET ME STRAIGHT (WHILE ALSO GIVING
MY REPTILIAN BRAIN A LITTLE TIME TO BLOW OFF SOME STEAM).

I PROMISE I WILL BE BACK TO THE OL' NEOCORTEX and LIMBIC
BRAIN, WITH ITS SENSITIVE FEELINGS AND FANCY WORDS—
THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BEING, THESE WORDS AND FEELINGS
MAY BE A LITTLE TINY WEENY MORE MANLY-ISH.

BUT WITH LOVE.

MAN LOVE.

MAYBE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU (Whoever you are)
I WILL GIVE YOU A GREAT BIG HUGGY WUGGY!!
A GREAT BIG HAIRY, MAN BEAR, HUGGY WUGGY THAT IS.
GRRRROOOOWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!

LOVE,
CAVECLAM

Posted by clamlynch at 9:23 PM